Swansea Escort Abby

 

So, the clocks went back and the nights closed in….

I have got out my long, black coat and my long, black boots. The black stockings and the black lingerie… This is where the fun can really begin!

No more arriving for an outcall in a summery, floaty dress and sandals…  Now I can arrive under cover of darkness…. All the neighbours curtains are closed, everybody is ignoring everything that goes on outside their front doors… It’s time for some va va voom..!

It’s a good job my car has air conditioning and heats up a treat, as, come the winter, I like to arrive in my coat, boots and  lingerie, just for the hell of it and obviously, the ease of not having to worry about clothing is a bonus!

Beware all you gents – the season of darkness is upon us and I take no prisoners….

 

Talking about the season of darkness is a nice intro into my next topic. Halloween!

At Halloween, I like to turn off my lights, pretend I am not home and eat all the ‘treats’ myself!

Inevitably I am caught out by some child masquerading as superman (and that is a scary costume, how?) If they are under 5, I forgive them, really, the parents have no imagination. If they are  over 35 and standing on my doorstep dressed as Superman, I do have Cefn Coed on speed dial (I do not know why my Doc gave me the number of the local mad house but I am sure it was for a very good reason…?)

 

My sister’s kids? Right, may I please give out a warning to all the residents of Swansea. HIDE. Do not answer your door between now and bonfire night! Under ANY circumstances! It is not the meter reading man. It is not the milkman. It is not the paper girl – It will be my sisters kids, dressed up in Gothic finery which they will have personalised with tomato ketchup and if you do not give them MONEY not sweets, they will have a handy egg behind their backs or a roll of saturated (with water!!) toilet tissue to fling at you! Failing that, I believe they like water balloons as well…

Honestly, I am not kidding you. My sisters kids are little terrorists.  My sister, says, as she puffs up her chest ‘They do not swear, they say please and thank you and I always know where they are and what they are doing! They simply have spirit, that’s all….’

It is a comfort to know that the little terrorists of today will be polite before they throw an egg at you and their mother will always know they are there doing it!

‘Trick or treat Sir, please? No? Ok, thank you for your time….’ Hurls an egg at the poor unsuspecting man ‘Have a good evening….’  (Nice smile) And off they go to get the next door neighbour as they text their Mam to check in….

 

I always slip those sods a fiver each on the morning of Halloween day as it prevents them coming round here and frankly, just because I am their Aunt, it does not mean I am fair game!

I have informed my sister there are restraints available to purchase if she really, really needs to ground the buggers but as yet, she has resisted the urge to chain them up in the shed, something to do with EU Child Cruelty Laws she said – pathetic excuse if you ask me!  I mean, really, who is going to know? Gag them as well and they can not scream out for help!

I have told her as well, if they scream out loud ‘My Mam has chained me up and locked me in the shed’ The neighbours will either rejoice or ignore what they have heard on account of the fact they regularly open up their bedroom windows and bellow ‘somebody call childline – she’s making me take a bath….’

My sister’s husband, the poor, long suffering guy, well, he tries his best but really, my sister is a tool short of a full box herself and as she is currently going through the menapause (all thank God she can not produce more children!) So he is currently sitting in a house with fans going full pelt, sleeping on the floor I am informed as she needs all the bed to herself (kicks like a mule apparently) and providing tissues at the rate of ten trees downed a day to mop up her tears.

He likes the pub, does my brother in law. He really likes it there….

I am being unfair really, he’s a great guy and he really is taking care of my sister right now. Thank God. Because frankly, those nephews of mine would have me sat in a chair babbling mindless rubbish if I spent more than an hour with them!

One more fake spider posted through my letterbox and I will commit real murder this Halloween…. It’s NOT FUNNY.

 

I myself, will not be celebrating this Halloween. I am having a nice, quiet time of it (I have informed my family I am going on a short break therefore can’t possibly be at the family get together this year!)

I am very into my work right now, I am enjoying my clients and my time with them so I will be working (should the phone ring) right through from now until Christmas Day! This really is my favourite time of the year to work. All the darkness outside seems to do the opposite to me than others – it revs me up rather than slows me down! So, it’s all guns-a-blazing! I do like my job

Take care all

x

 Ohhh, boy! Well, I have had the cold virus!

I can only apologise whole-heartedly to clients that tried to contact me the last week only to get my answer phone and no call back at all or to those I had booked in and had to cancel on.

 

So sick have I been that I thought at one point, it might be kinder to treat me like the dog I felt and put me out of my misery! You know, just one shot in the arm and I could sleep for eternity, floating happily on a cloud of pure white marshmallow mush, in a state of total bliss and harmony in the land of nod…..

 

I had to have a doctor out on Saturday! A real Doctor in my house for the reason of sickness not for the reason of naughtiness! Can you even believe that? Had to check I did not have swine flu! Well, in reality, my sister had to call a doctor to check I had not got swine flu as she was starting to look about the house for something she could use for a mask before she brought me fresh water and tissues!  

 The doctor arrived, some geezer I have never seen before in my life and I proceeded to die quietly the death of those that like a clean house – then get sick so can not clean and a stranger pops around, walks into your bedroom and bathroom both of which had not seen a duster for 5 days never mind a spray of air freshener or clean sheets! Ohhh, God, the shame….

 

Still, no swine flu here! A common cold he said, rather irritated at being called out, for what he saw as, no good bloody reason!

That is testimony to how rare it is for me to get sick! I rarely get so ill I think I might die easily! I rarely get colds or the common ailments that seem to knock others flat on their backs – when I do get sick, all around me fly into a high state of alert and panic and go calling in doctors when there really is no need…

 

Still, my sister is over the fanning herself madly with a paperback as she tries to ward off her menopause symptoms (apparently made worse by my being ill!?) has decided a face mask is not a must have item upon entering my home and is smiling again (now I am able to put my own trash out!)

 

I have had the torture of watching day time TV for the last two days as I regained my strength – Please, God, no more! I am ready to go back to work!

My phone is on, I am no longer infectious with the cold virus and apart from the occasional sneeze and/or cough, I am raring to go…

 

Thank you kindly to all that graciously accepted my cancelling of bookings, you shall surely be rewarded when you re-book!

Have a great week all.

xx

I was going to suggest throwing those conkers at Harriet Harman but I am more a love and peace kind of gal than a throw conkers at a pillock sort!

 

Poor down-trodden me, eh? Forced into this lifestyle for cash and no doubt pimped to within an inch of my life! I am probably hooked on all kinds of drugs and spun out off my head by 2pm each day. I never take good care of myself and am a shocking example to society! Quickly! Find me the nearest straight jacket and chastity belt with the strongest lock possible! I need reforming and then some…..

And as for you men that hire me – shame on you! Your terrible, terrible people –  we shall end up in chains for our sins when our time comes and we stand before our creator….   (Actually that sounds a bit kinky but perhaps that proves Ms Harman’s point – there is no hope for me or you….)

 

Oh dear… The ignorance on some people in so called ”intelligent” jobs really rather startles me at times you know.

I am going to stifle a yawn here and repeat what I have said a million times over….

I am not pimped.

I have never touched a drug in my life.

I do not drink anything stronger than coffee!

The only way I get spun out by 2pm is if I have been dancing to some 80′s pop song while cleaning and have jived about rather too much than would be considered sensible for a person in a pair of high heals and, generally, little clothing!

I like my job.

I am good at what I do.

I provide for myself without needing to drain the benefits system.

I contribute valiantly to the condom industry not to mention the knicker industry!

As for you charming and deserving gents that book me and pop along to the various sites that advertise me – don’t be put off by Ms Harman. Personally, I think she needs a good lay and am sure if she browsed some of the adult sites very carefully, she would find somewhere a suitable male to show her what it’s all about….

One more thing to add here before I skip off to my bath and attempt to make myself pretty for my caller this afternoon…..

If this job I do and the men that pay for me to do the job disgusts this Government so much, why are they more than happy to take my taxes off me? They are profiting from my work. I do not hear the words ‘No! We can not do that. It is ”immoral earnings and we shall not be privy to such a thing…”

Keep getting your backhanders from me Ms Harman, they are after all, paying for your second home and clothing and petrol allowance… If your prepared to take what I earn in the form of tax then shut the moaning up and concentrate on really matters in this world. Go pick on the paedophiles, the muggers, the rapists, the burglars and the corrupt MP’s

And leave my clients alone. They have more integrity in their little fingers than any member of any Government this country will ever have.

xxx